Beijing can be overstimulating, to say the least. Let’s be real: Sometimes even our sixth sense gets a decent workout, the one where you know that stick of chuan'r will get you sick for the next two days (but you gobble it up anyway). With such a wide variety of events, restaurants, and gigs to attend, we suggest bathing each of your five senses into one, if not all, of the nourishing goings-on below.
This weekend, we go all in and beyond the CPC National Congress to offer you around-the-senses entertainment collection inspired by this great, historical 19th Party Plenum. If your colleagues are still saying things like, "Why are there so many police everywhere?" or, "My Taobao seller just messaged me saying that my packet will be late and I am so annoyed," do them a favor and immerse them in our outlined "weekend party about the Party" (for non-parties click here).
Taste
The only proper way to fully dedicate yourself to China's dream is on a full stomach. The only rumble should be that of the drums, so march to the kitchen and dedicate your Sunday to cooking or raid local restaurants for Chairman Mao's favorite dish: red-braised pork (红烧肉, hóngshāoròu). The filling, lardy meat will satisfy any oily-chin boy or girl, and its vivid red hue should serve as a reminder of this weekend's meeting. It could also serve as a great bonding experience with yourlao beijing neighbors if you still haven't talked to them in these two years of living in the same courtyard.
Smell
When the aromas of red-braised pork have at last vacated the premises, the new winds should be bringing in the currents of (we are so sorry, but) Moutai. In order to fully embrace the experience, grab some of the white bottles with red labels and keep them on your table and within arm's (and nose's) reach. If the taste of baijiu makes you want to purge your dinner as if it were a capitalist pig from the metaphorical (and, especially after some of that hóngshāoròu, literal) red of your insides, you could simply opt to instead enjoy the aroma rising from the glass without actually emptying it into your stomach.
Touch
While we may feel slightly (or awfully) limited in your choice of Sunday Funday activities this weekend, fear no more, for what could possibly be a bigger highlight than the Party Congress? With the abundance of blogs about closed and suspended activities or venues, and delivery and tech regulations, who would not be burning with curiosity for what is happening in those deep red halls? Well, now you get to put your humble brick into the wall with this mini-program (tailored for smartphones and computers alike) while also satisfying your cravings for competition (though mostly with yourself). Tap away on your phone screen as if it was another game of Candy Crush and see how many times can you clap for our dear leader Xi Dada in 20 seconds. They should have used this app throughout Xi's opening speech to drown out the weak and miserable claps heard IRL.
See
For some, it feels like a snow day or an "under-the-dome" situation, for which there is likely no better entertainment than cozying up with your loved ones in front of the TV. And by "your loved ones," we are of course referring to the glorious Party. Grab some Twizzlers, candied hawthorns, spaghetti, apples, or any red-colored snack you desire, and set out on an adventure with Father Xi through his three-and-a-half-hour opening speech, available here (VPN needed, ha!) with English translation and commentary, or here in Chinese only (no VPN, yay). From housing prices and conserving the environment, to rural poverty and cyber-security, Xi will take you by the hand and guide you through five years' worth of questions without you ever leaving the comfort of your couch.
Hear
For the first time in years, we might be able to walk by our usual late-night venues around Gulou and not be blasted on the sidewalk by an intangible mix of DJs, metal bands, and acoustic guitars, because they shall all put their instruments in storage for the week and shut their doors. If you've always wondered what Dada's courtyard looks without the drunken crowds or Wudaoying Hutong without School Bar, now is your time to shine. Weekend midnight walks shall be completed in peace, with only an occasional watering hole remaining open for business. But we'll obviously be busy streaming and rewatching videos from the Great Hall of the People, so count us out this time.
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Images: The Guardian, Nipic, Youku